UNTV Cup: New Concept in Public Service

When people ask me where I teach, I proudly say “at La Verdad Christian College”. In a not surprising mode, I know that most of them are not familiar with the name so I have to describe in all gesture and non verbal diads like where it is located, when it was established, etc.  But when I already mention “It offers full scholarship to the students. Free tuition, Free uniforms, even free meals! In other words ABSOLUTELY FREE!”, it amazes them. Then the next question that needs to be entertained: “How were you able to survive? Where do you get your fund?” I would just say, “Like what Bro. Eli and Kuya Daniel are always saying, from God’s help and mercy.”  

So there we go.

La Verdad Christian College is just one of so many public services of Bro. Eli and Kuya Daniel, such as Free Ride, Free Clinic, Free Legal Consultation, Free Transient Home, etc.  But who finances these public services? It is Bro. Eli Soriano and Kuya Daniel Razon who are the primary sponsors of these projects, with the continuous support of the Members of Church of God International. Aside from that, Kuya Daniel Razon spearheads different fund raising projects such as fun run, concerts, basketball games, etc. And these projects are being supported by the LGUs, public servants, extending to the people from the private sector. Proceeds of these projects go to the public services launched by Bro. Eli Soriano and Kuya Daniel Razon.

But this time, Bro. Eli and Kuya Daniel extend their hands to reach out and support other institutions that also need assistance.  The very reason UNTV Cup is born, guided of bright concepts and ideas of Kuya Daniel Razon. The team who will win in the championship game will donate their cash prize to the charitable institution of their choice. Nota Bene: None of the cash prize will go to their pocket but to the institution that they want to support. In this manner, we are being taught to strive hard not for ourselves but for the others. Like what Bro. Eli has mentioned in his welcoming speech, “We will play hard, get tired and perspire, not for our own benefit, but for the benefit of those who need our help. Because this is what the Lord Jesus did. He even gave His life just to save us”.

There are 7 teams from the different government agencies who will compete to get the prize of 1 Million Pesos. It means that they will be able to extend help to the charitable institution of their choice without getting a centavo from the government funds. These teams are: PNP, AFP, LGUs, DOJ, Judiciary, PhilHealth, MMDA. Each team also has at least one celebrity player to play with them. Some of them are Michael Flores, Jao Mapa, Eric Fructuoso, Onyok Velasco, Brando Legaspi, Kier Legaspi and Zoren Legaspi. Former PBA Star and now Mapua coach Fortunato “Atoy” Co will be the commissioner while Mr. Ed Cordero will act as the assistant commissioner.

The ball was officially tossed to open the ceremony of UNTV Cup on July 29, 2013 at the Smart Araneta. Each teams and players were introduced to the cheering crowd. There was also a game between DOJ and AFP.  During this event, I was not just a spectator as I was given the opportunity to be a part of the event. I was assigned to assist the guests as they arrive, wave a smile and say "hello!". And of course, lead them to their designated seats. My task seems to be easy, but I have to walk to and fro, up and down from 2^nd floor to 1^st floor and vice versa. Quite tiring but I can’t help saying myself that I just love it. Not because it would help burn my fats (Well, it was just a joke. If jokes are half meant, so I really mean it). At the end of the day, it is fulfilling to say that I was able to be a part of this noble cause in my own little way to the minute little one.

UNTV Cup is so new to its very broad project. I am hoping that people who understand this noble cause will continuously hold up UNTV Cup not only during its opening ceremonies, but as well all the games for the entire season. By the way, just for a graceful exit from a source which I hope does not actually exist, I heard that there is some other network that will also launch a same concept? Hmmm…

Anyway, I want to end this by giving my heartfelt congratulations to Bro. Eli and Kuya Daniel for being the pioneers of this new concept in public service. We are thankful to God for having them who always do public services to all people, regardless of their race and religion. To God be the Glory forever!

Mr. Public Service Kuya Daniel Razon with AFP and DOJ Basketball Teams during the ceremonial toss. (Photo courtesy of https://www.facebook.com/KuyaDanielRazon)

The powerful All Access Pass that allows me to go anywhere in Smart Araneta. Yes, even to the players' dug out. *big grin* 

 With my student Meryl, who stayed with us (Ate Ehlite) in welcoming the guests.

Twitter Party with Bro. Eli

I came home last night very late from my duties. I was that really exhausted. Not because of the things I went over the whole day, but because I traveled from Valenzuela from my schedule post and gone to Parañaque where I reside. I even skipped dinner (yeah, that was on purpose) because I preferred to lie down and sleep rather than to eat.

But before I went up to my room, my eyes were patched on my PC then decided to turn it on, check in some queries and documents that my students might sent me. I also checked my twitter account for some messages. It was just plain surfing.

And to my surprise! Bro. Eli Soriano just posted his tweets few seconds ago! Twitter users were also sending their messages and asking questions to Bro. Eli. I tried to send him a message, expecting to get a reply from him. My intuitions were never wrong and he never failed me. He replied not only to one of my messages, but to all the messages I sent him. Even a simple "ssD" really made me feel overjoyed. It relieved my stress. Yes, it does at an instant. I already forgot that I was about to sleep. I stayed up until 2am.

He even greeted Johnas on his 1st birthday. Well, actually, I requested him to do so. :)

If being not absurd, I know that the "feel" was just overwhelming, not knowing that I was already getting so much of his time. But this is a very rare opportunity for me to catch Bro. Eli interacting to his followers on twitter. More often than not, I always miss the chance that he is online. So then why not at the perfect time, I grabbed the opportunity to send him message about La Verdad instructors. Funny may sound to hear but the joy was measured exactly what I am expecting. 

No beautiful words to describe the happiness that was. He did not just mention his twitter followers, but he gave words of encouragement and answered their questions too. It's like there were no distance between the lines and the spaces were filled with bliss and content. It's like we were having a twitter party until the wee hours of the morning. Inspite that Bro. Eli has so many obligations to deal with, he still finds time to reach us and gives us words of wisdom by and even through social media. We are very thankful to God for sending us a loving and reachable preacher like him. :)

About To End Something that Hasn't Started Yet

Have you ever felt something special for a person, that everytime that person comes near, your heart beats faster? And every time you see each other, you feel like the wind is blowing and the music is playing? And then suddenly, you realize that it was just a wishful thinking.

We are designed to love because as we are created out of it. I am not only referring to "Eros" which is the love you feel for your special someone, but also to “Philia" which is the love we feel for our friends, siblings and parents, and the "Agape" which is the love that we refer to His Highness.

Since we are of the so-called living souls, it is inevitable for us to feel the Eros love to a person.  When we reach our pubescent age, we then set off to admire another living soul whatever individual standards we may have for a person. The process didn’t stop there; this admiration will turn into infatuation, and when you get in your prime, I mean being mature, this infatuation will widen the artful meaning of love.

There is no concrete detail of a reference that a person can avoid this feeling. Again, and I’ll say it one more time, it is INEVITABLE. As long as we are breathing, our hypothalamus will continuously dictate us who we want or who we like.  

Indeed, we cannot avoid falling in love. But admiring or being in love with a person, is not a valid reason for someone to get into a relationship. Of course, just like what Bro. Eli is always reminding us, we have to be prepared- physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Oh to mention; financially.

In spite of having the symptoms of this "ailment," if you feel an exquisite thing is about to start, and yet you are not prepared in all aspects, do not take the risk. It is better to end something that hasn't started yet before you realize that it is too late.

Just a second. I just need to get this thing off my chest.

The Thought of Giving Thanks

I may not be perfect as I am trying always to be like one and I often make mistakes. Probably because I am human and I am prone to it and that made me a fragile being. I even committed mistakes that I thought would not be forgiven. 

But God is good and always as He is. His hands are always stretched to reach me and rise me up every after fall, as always and will always be.

He provided me a chance to continue with my duties. He even gave me more of than that although I know I am not worthy. and most special of all, He showered me blessings that never fails to bring joy in my life and to put smile in my face.

But these are not just the reasons why I offer thanksgiving to Him...

There are things that I keep on asking Him. Things that I thought that would make me happy. Things that I thought would complete me. (I know you know what I mean and HE (God) even knew it). I believe that there is a perfect time for everything. I trust Him and He knows what's best for me. If an ideal biological father does not give his children anything that would harm them, so as the Father in heaven.

I am offering thanksgiving not only for the blessings that He gave me, but also for all the things that He did not give and has not given yet.

I may not receive all the things that I ask for, but He definitely will give all the BEST for me. And I thank God for all of these. Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift.

God works in mysterious ways :)

Five years ago, I experienced one of the unforgettable challenges in my life.

It was in 2007 when Bro. Eli mentioned in one of the gatherings that we need to propagate God's word all over the word. Thus, there is in need of workers to be assigned not only in the Philippines but most especially abroad. A lot of natives in their own land are seeking for the true church. And it is our responsibility to bring to them the teachings of Christ. I admit, I was also hoping that someday, in my own little way, I could also help in propagating God's words in other countries. In what manner, I do not know. I just wanted to help the ministry in each and every manner that God would allow.

First week of June 2008, I received an international call from a worker, saying that there is a need of additional workers and at the same time teachers in the country where he was assigned during that time. And I was one of their choices. But during that time, I was just a half-timer, and if they will be sending workers abroad, probably they will choose the regular workers. So I didn't take it seriously, though I was hoping too that I could also be assigned.

A few weeks later, a sister from the foreign ministry asked for my passport. She also asked for some information about me for my visa. She said that I might be sent to Papua New Guinea anytime soon. I was very happy when I heard that news. But I don't want to expect too much. Because I don't want to get disappointed if ever that it will not happen, I just let things  come. I just let God's will be done.

For a couple of days, I haven't heard any updates from the Foreign Ministry, as to where my visa was already released. So I assumed that I will not be leaving anymore. So I just made myself busy with my work as a public school teacher since the school year has just started.

Until one day, I received a call from that sister again. She said that she already booked a ticket for me, and the flight will be two days from that day! But the problem is, my visa was not yet released. I had a mixed emotions! I was very thankful to God and very much overwhelmed because I already have my ticket, but at the same time, I was still uncertain because I still don't have my visa. Even though my flight still doesn't have assurance, I already mentioned it to my family and to my District Servant. Again, I just let God's will be done.

The following day, at around 5pm, I was about to leave the school when the same sister called and told me the good news. She said that my visa was just released and I will fly the next day! I cannot explain my emotion at that moment! It was like I wanted to jump, shout, and hug everyone I would meet. I told my principal about my flight. She was surprised that I will be leaving that soon. She said that she won't hinder it but I just need to file a Permit to Travel at the Regional Office since I am a DepEd employee. The processing would take about a week.

I just had to face another challenge.

June 25, 2008. I woke up early to process my Permit to Travel. Since my flight will be at 10pm, I still have time to process my permit. Although they said that it will take a week for my permit to be released, I was still hoping that I can get it on that day. I really wanted to go to Papua New Guinea. I just kept on hoping and praying for God's miracle to happen.

I went to school and it only took me half an hour to get some documents from my Principal. Next, it was around 11am already when I arrived at the DepEd Paranaque Division Office wherein I need the supervisors sign my documents. I was a little hopeless at that time because their offices are far from one another and I do not know them all nor know their faces. But to my surprise, all the signatories were just walking to and fro in front of me. Thanks to one of the staff who helped me to identify the supervisors.

Past 12nn. I didn't feel hungry. All I wanted to do is to get my permit to travel. After I got all the signatures of the supervisors, I went to DepEd NCR at Quezon City as fast as I could.

I arrived at DepEd NCR at around 2pm. I went to the director's office to submit my documents. But the clerk said that the director was not around. Maybe I could just come back the following day, or later at 5pm. During that time, I was really, really hopeless. I knew that I couldn't fly to Papua New Guinea. I already accepted that maybe, it wasn't God's will for me to go to Papua. I just left the documents at the director's office. While waiting for 5pm, I went to Frisco where Bro. Fred and Ate Ehlite were preparing their things.

I explained to them everything. I even told them that I might not go with them anymore. I also texted Ate Ruth.

I went back to DepEd NCR before 5pm. To my surprise, the clerk returned to me the documents, not only with the Director's signature, but also with the Permit to Travel! I do not know where to put my happiness, I was very happy! Finally, I can now fly to Papua!

But the clerk said, I still have to return the copy to the division office.

Well, I just faced another challenge. The office was already closed. Again, I knew on that moment that I was not really meant to be assigned in Papua.

Very down and sad, I rode a taxi and went home. While travelling, I called my mom. I told her that I will not be leaving anymore. I explained to her everything. She said to me to just go home and take a rest. She knew that I was very tired.

After a few minutes, my mom called. She said that she called the school and said that they will just send the documents to the division office, so I better hurry so that I can still catch the flight!

I didn't notice that tears were already running down my eyes. The words that I just uttered were "Thanks be to God!"

June 25, 2008. The day that I will never forget. The day that I saw how God works in mysterious ways. The day that despite of the hindrances, God made a way for His will to happen. Indeed, it was written in the Bible, "Yea, before the day was I am he; And there is none that can deliver out of my hand: I will work, and who shall let it?" Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift!

 https://www.facebook.com/MCGI.org 

A Taxi Story

Past 10pm. Pauwi na ako galing duty. Since sa Far North ako destino at uuwi pa ako ng South, I have to take a cab hanggang Maynila dahil wala nang LRT/MRT.

While on the taxi, di maiwasan na may kailangan makausap sa phone. At sa paguusap sa phone, di rin maiwasan na gumamit ng mga words na church-related like "Bro, Sis, Lokal" etc.

After the conversation, nagtanong ang driver kung (name ng isang kilalang religion) daw ba ako. Kinabahan na ako. Binalik ko yung tanong sa kanya. Sabi niya oo daw. Bingo! Tapos tinanong niya ako saang lokal daw ako. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, yari, pinagkamalan ako. Kaya nagpretend na lang ako. Sabi ko Caloocan (may nakikita kasi ako dun). Tinanong ko rin siya (para di ako mahalata). Sagot naman siya, sa keme kemerloo daw siya, pero gumaganap daw siya sa kemerloo, etc. Tinanong niya ako kung gumaganap (may tungkulin) daw ba ako o ano. Sabi ko wala. Busy ako sa trabaho kaya di ako gumaganap. Mukhang naintindihan naman niya ako kasi siya rin walang tungkulin sa kanila.

I was trying to divert the topic. Pero mukhang masaya siya na nakakuha siya ng pasaherong ka-"relihiyon" niya. Proud siya na ikwento yung pinanggalingan niya, at yung mga ginagawa niya.

Pero dito na ako mas kinabahan. Nagkwento na siya na "diba sa atin, pagka may naagrabyado, hindi tayo papayag na maapi sa atin." sagot naman ako "siyempre". Sabi niya "kaya nga nung yung isang (mataas na posisyon sa miyembrong lalaki) sa blah blah, nung binaril siya, sinugod namin yung bumaril eh. Paano ba naman, sinita kasi niya yung nagsisiga ng wire. Eh tinutukan siya ng baril. Ang ginawa niya, pumasok. Kumuha ng itak. Ang mali niya, itak ang kinuha niya. Dapat yung gamit (baril) niya. Kaya ayun, binaril siya sa ulo."

Nagtanong ako, "Ano na po nangyari dun sa bumaril"

"Sinuyod namin yung lugar. Hinanap namin. Swerte niya di namin siya nahuli. Kasi kung nagkataon, sasalvage-gin talaga namin yun"

*Gulp*. Lumingon na ako sa paligid kung safe na ba bumaba. Pero either way, magstay man ako sa taxi o bumaba man sa kalsada, parehong hindi safe. So I just continued yung pagpepretend ko na "lamig".

Edi nagtanong ako (para maiba lang ang topic), "taga saan ka kuya?"

Sagot naman siya, "taga mindanao talaga ako. Dun ako nakakilala. Kinukuha nga nila ako dun na (pangalan ng Security Group). Pero sabi ko hindi muna. Sasama na lang ako pagka may "operation".

Nagets ko agad ang ibig sabihin niya sa salitang "operation".

"Sa mindanao din, may isa dun, narape. Ang ginawa sa mga nangrape, niresbakan. Binuhusan ng gasolina. Tapos sinunog."

Wala akong ibang nasabi kundi "grabe".

Buti na lang, pababa na ako. Nagbayad na ako. Di ko alam kung eksakto lang ba ibabayad ko o bibigyan ko siya ng tip dahil sa pagkakahatid niya sa akin.

Nag-thank you ako kay kuya. Nagthank you din siya at nagsabing "ingat ka".

Panaginip

(Posted on June 22, 2012)


Iba't iba ang pananaw ng tao sa panaginip. May mga panaginip na nagkakatotoo. Meron naman totoong nangyayari pero parang panaginip lang. Ngunit mayroon namang mga panaginip na hindi lang magkakatotoo kundi kasalukuyan na palang nangyayari.

Martes ng hapon. Naglalakad ako sa lobby ng school nang lumapit sa akin yung nagseset up ng audio sa auditorium. Sabi niya, "Sis Sheila, magseset-up lang kami sa taas." Tinanong ko siya, "ay, para saan po?" Wala kasi akong idea kung ano ang meron dahil ang alam ko, hindi tuloy yung dapat na naka schedule na taping. Sabi niya, "in case lang na may biglang dumating". Agad ko naisip, si kuya? Andito na kaya si kuya? Gusto ko sana tanungin pero nahiya naman ako kaya tinanong ko na lang kung kelan ang taping ng ASOP. Inisip ko na lang, baka kasi sila yung biglang dumating. Pero sa loob loob ko, sana si Kuya.

Alas-dos ng madaling araw lang ako nakauwi at nakatulog. Ramdam ko ang pagod sa buong araw na paggawa kaya naman agad ako nakatulog at nanaginip ng isang napakagandang panaginip.

May event daw na gaganapin sa auditorium. Medyo iba ang setting ng auditorium pero alam ko, yun yung auditorium ng school. May ilang mga kilala akong tao sa panaginip ko. Isa na dun si Kuya Daniel. Binisita niya daw yung auditorium. Tinignan kung maayos ba ang pagkakagawa, etc. habang ang iba naman ay abala sa pagseset up. Nung bumaba daw ako, nakita ko daw na bukas ang ilaw ng office niya, patunay na anjan nga si kuya.

Mga alas 8 na ng umaga. Tumigil ang electric fan. Nagising ako sa brown out. Bumangon na ako. Pero kahit na puyat, ipinagpasalamat ko pa rin ang magandang umagang dumating. Pakiramdam ko kasi, ang haba ng tulog ko. Maganda ang gising dahil maganda ang panaginip.

Kinumusta ko ang lagay ng school kay Tykes. Sabi niya...

"Dumaan daw dito si KUYA. Kaninang alas-4 ng madaling araw. Tinignan lang yung auditorium."

:)

If not for Bro. Eli, I might be a liability of the society

I grew up Catholic. I was baptized in the Catholic Church in our village where I also received my “sacrament of confirmation”. My parents were both active in the Catholic Church. My Father was a former president and lay minister of a chapel in our place. He also never missed going to Quiapo, bare-footed, during the Feast of the Black Nazarene. My mother would always bring me and my sister to Baclaran every Wednesday for she was a devotee of Mary in the Redemptorist Chruch, where we learned how to read the novena booklet, light candles and walk through the center aisle of the church by our knees.

During my younger years, I was actively participating in different programs of the Church. I used to recite poems during the feast of Immaculate Mary. I joined the street dancing during the parade of different Sto. Niños along Roxas Boulevard. Whenever I join different academic contests, I always had a small Sto. Nino in my pocket which I rub when I do not know the answer (my parents told me that it would help me think for the correct answer). When I reached my adolescence, I joined the choir in our church. And since I was inclined into bands and playing musical instruments during that time, when the guitarist of our choir left the group and went abroad, I was the one who took over. Sometimes, I was also assigned to be a lector and commentator during the mass. I regularly attend the Charismatic Youth Ministry, a youth organization in our church where in we do bible studies (or shall I say, we read one verse per session), singing songs while our eyes closed and both hands raised, and a lot of “speaking in tongues” – saying such words that we do not really understand. More so, I also graduated in an all-girl school run by nuns. But though I was an active Catholic member, this didn’t help me to become a better person. But instead, I gave me a way to do all the pleasures that a typical youth was doing.  I was always going out for gimmicks and watch rock bands with my friends until the wee hours of the morning, barkada trips, even ear and nose piercing.

With all my background and experiences, I may say that I was a “Katoliko Sagrado” with a twist. As the people described me, I was a saint during the day, but a sinner and certified rocker at night. I had this thinking that there is no problem doing those earthly pleasures because there will come a time, when I get old already, I won’t be able to do those things anymore. Besides, I was active in the Catholic Church so I believed that my entire shortcoming will be forgiven. My basis if my sins were forgiven was the "ostia" or host given by the priest. According to our belief then, if the host stays long in your tongue, your sins were already cleansed. If it stays only for a couple of seconds, you are still not forgiven.

I was not really a problem child. But I knew there was a tendency that I would become one if I kept walking on that track. But God is good and He never let me continue walking through that path.

One day, my father and I were watching the final game of Ginebra (I think was Gordon's Gin at that time) and Alaska on TV. I was an avid fan of Alaska and my dad was a fan of Ginebra. Alaska was leading and my dad got irritated because his team was losing so he changed the channel. While he was browsing channel, a religious program with a preacher speaking angrily caught our attention. It was the first time we heard the preaching for Bro. Eli Soriano through RJTV 29. Then we found the program ANG DATING DAAN. We knew about Bubble Gang’s Ang Dating Doon but we were not eager to search which religious program it was spoofing. During that time, Bro. Eli was very angry explaining why Mary should not be worshiped. I, who was also a Marian devotee since child, got offended and wanted to disagree with what Bro. Eli was saying. I said in my mind that Mary should be worshiped because she is the Mother of God, and I learned that from the priests in our church as well as from the nuns in my school. Then Bro. Eli answered that "Mary is not the Mother of God because God has no Mother—she is just the mother of Jesus who came in flesh. I was amazed! How come that he knew what was on my mind! I rapidly took the small Gideon bible in our altar with full of dust and was never opened since it was given to me, and checked on every verse that Bro. Eli is explaining. And everything that he says is all in the Bible. Even the worshiping of idols and eating of hosts during mass, which I thought would all cleanse my sins are all wrong. I also heard from Bro. Eli how youth must spend their strengths and knowledge – not in earthly pleasures and vices, but in serving Him. I started comparing his teachings with the teachings of our priests which are mostly no basis at all. But for Bro. Eli, everything that he says, he reads it in the bible. He always says “Basa!”, which I never heard from the priests and nuns. Since then, I was hooked to Bro. Eli’s program and never attended catholic church activities anymore.

My parents were baptized first. Then a few months after, I received my baptism too. And since then, my life has changed for the better. If not for Bro. Eli, my life would be miserable and I might be a liability of the society. With all His great works and for sending Bro. Eli, all I can say is Thanks be to God.

Please visit https://www.facebook.com/MCGI.org to know more about the religious org that I am now affiliated with. :)

Sa lahat ng mga bagay na ito, Salamat sa Dios! :)

March 29, 2012. Isa sa mga petsa na hindi ko makakalimutan sa buong talambuhay ko bilang guro. Ang araw kung saan nagsipagtapos ang unang batch ng mga magaaral sa La Verdad Chistian College Caloocan. Parang kailan lang nung nagpapasimula ang La Verdad Caloocan. Awa ng Dios, mayroon nang mga graduates ang paaralan. Gaya ng mga nagsisipagtapos na inaalala ang masasaya at ilang malulungkot na karanasan nila nung magpasimula silang mag-aral sa kolehiyong ito, hindi ko rin maiwasan na alalahanin ang pagpapasimula ko sa paaralang ito.

Noong nalaman ko na magbubukas ng La Verdad sa Caloocan, agad kong kinontak si Kuya Gary, isa sa mga guro ng La Verdad Apalit. Nagsabi ako sa kanya na gusto ko makapagturo sa bubuksan na bagong branch sa Caloocan, pero Tuesday at Thursday lang ako makakapagturo gawa ng nagtuturo pa ako noon sa isang public school. Pinagsubmit niya ako ng resume. Pero matapos yun, hindi ko na nagawang magfollow up dahil naging busy na rin ako sa pinapasukan kong trabaho.

April 2010, nagcocomputer at nagfefacebook ako sa bahay noong nakatanggap ako ng tawag mula kay Ate Ruth.

Ako: Hello po?

Ate: Shie, pwede ka na bang maging administrator ng school?

Narinig ko naman ang tanong niya pero hindi ako sigurado sa tinanong niya. Kaya nagtanong ulit ako.

Ako: ano po yun te?

Ate: Ano ba ang requirements para maging administrator ng school?

Ako: Ah, ano po, dapat po may Masteral.

Ate: ah, ano dapat ang Masters?

Ako: Educ Management po. Pero pwede naman po kahit ano. Pero mas maganda po kung Educ Management.

Ate: ah, may masters ka na ba?

Ako: Po? Hehe, on going pa lang po. Pero di po ako enrolled ngayon te eh.

Ate: kelan ka matatapos?

Ako: matagal pa po, nakaka 18 units pa lang po ako.

Ate: ah, sige sige. Kelangan ng administratror sa bubuksang La Verdad sa caloocan. Gumawa ka ng structure ng admin ha. Kung sino-sino at anong mga posisyon ang kailangan mo. Gawa ka ka na ngayon, ipapasa ko kay kuya.

Ako: (tulala) po? Ah sige po..

Right after nun, itinigil ko muna ang pagfe Face Book. Di ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Sobrang saya na naiiyak. Ang tangi ko lang talagang nasabi noon ay "salamat sa Dios". Agad kong ginawa yung admin structure. Habang ginagawa ko, bumubulong ako ng "Panginoon, di ko po kaya ito. Ikaw na po ng bahala." Awa ng Dios, walang isang oras ay nagawa ko yung structure. Napabuntong hininga ako at nagsabi ng, " hay salamat sa Dios." Sinend ko agad kay ate. Nananalangin ako na sana ok lang yung sinend ko.

After ilang araw, pinatawag na ako sa UNTV para sa meeting with LVCC Apalit. Dun na pinagusapan yung patungkol sa interview, enrolment, application sa TESDA, etc. na ang Caloocan na ang hahawak. After ng meeting, isinama ako ni ate sa pagtingin ng mga ilaw na kailangan sa school na noon ay ginagawa pa lang. Nagsabi siya na asikasuhin ko na daw yung application sa TESDA, magpasa na daw ako ng letter. Nagtapat na ako sa kanya. Sabi ko, "ate, hindi ko pa po ata kaya na maging administrator. Parang masyado pa po akong bata. Baka hindi ako paniwalaan." Nakita ko na napatigil siya saglit at nagisip. Sinabi niya, "sige, ako muna ang administrator. Ang ilagay mo sa letter, deputy administrator ka." Parang nabunutan ako ng tinik dahil alam kong andiyan naman si ate. Pero parang hindi nabawasan yung kaba ko kasi alam kong halos ganun pa rin ang trabaho ko. Pero salamat pa rin sa Dios dahil ramdam ko ang pagsaklolo Niya sa panahong kailangan ko ng tulong Niya.

Dahil sa dami ng obligasyon at dapat harapin sa pagpapasimula ng school, kinakailangan ng mga makakasama. Isang araw ng pasalamat, kahit na nakikinig ako ng paksa, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na maglaro sa isip ko kung sino ang mga taong makakatulong sa school. Lagi lang nasasabi ko na "Panginoon, bahala ka na po. Kailangan ko po ng makakasama. Di ko po kaya ito magisa". Nagtext ako sa mga kasama sa PNU. Salamat sa Dios, nagreply sina Bro. Meno (na nauna kong nakasama sa pagiinterview at nagbuhat ng 2 box ng application forms mula untv papuntang caloocan tapos papuntang paranaque dahil wala pang office ang la verdad nun), bro joms at iba pang mga kasama sa PNU. Nung break time naman nakita ko si Bro. Tykes. Tinanong ko siya kung may kilala siya na MassCom grad na gusto magturo sa La Verdad. Yun pala Masscom grad siya. Tapos kung pwede rin daw si Sis. Rissa. Maya maya lang, dumaan naman si Jeck. Saka ko naalala na nurse nga pala siya. Gusto rin daw niya magturo. Si Bro Pong naman na nasa Palawan, nagtext nun. May kilala daw ba ako sa La Verdad Apalit. Gusto niya daw kasi magturo. Nagannounce kasi si Sis Luz nun na hiring ang La Verdad Apalit. Sabi ko sa Caloocan na lang siya. Awa ng Dios, nagOK siya. Lunch break naman nung tinawagan ako ni bro albert kasi may mga nagsubmit pa raw ng resume. Dun ko naman nakita ang resume ni sis kat. Maging yung ibang mga kasama ngayon, karamihan sa kanila ay nakasalubong ko lang. Awa ng Dios, bago matapos ang araw na yun ay halos nakumpleto na yung line-up ng mg magtuturo sa La Verdad. Parang ang swabe lang lahat. Dumarating na lang yung mga taong kailangan para makumpleto yung mga kailangan na instructors. Nakakatuwa sobra. Salamat talaga sa Dios.

Naniniwala akong lubos na paggawa ng Dios lahat lahat ng mga bagay na iyon. Naramdaman ko na napaka smooth lahat ng bagay, kusa na lang silang dumarating sa panahong kailangan. Pero may mga pagkakataon rin na hindi ganun kadali, na kung minsan ay naiiyak na ako sa hirap na parang gusto ko na sumuko. Maging yung pagpili lang kung magreresign ako sa dati kong trabaho upang makapag focus sa La Verdad ay mahirap para sa akin na panganay at gustong makatulong sa magulang. Pero naalala ko, hindi naman tayo pababayaan ng Dios. At mas lalo kong napatunayan ang kabutihan ng Dios. Hindi Niya pinabayaan ang pamilya ko hanggang ngayon. Hindi rin naman tayo bibigyan ng hindi natin kaya. Sa mga panahong kailangan natin ng tulong, palaging nandiyan Siya. Salamat sa Dios dahil after one year, sa panahong nangangailangan na talaga ako ng tulong lalo na sa pagaapply sa TESDA at CHED ay timely naman ang pagdating ni Mam Johna.

Masarap sa pakiramdam yung pagkatapos ng ilang taon na pagtuturo, kahit na alam mong ikaw mismo sa sarili mo ay nangangailangan pa ring pag-aralan ang mga ituturo mo, ay makikita mo isang araw ang mga mag-aaral mo na nakasuot ng kanilang toga at magsisipagtapos. Masaya rin sa pakiramdam yung alam mong may mga kasama ka na nagsisikap rin na maturuan ang mga estudyante sa kabila ng kaunting taon lang naman ang agwat sa kanila. At higit sa lahat, bagama't hindi maiiwasan na mayroon talagang mga pagsubok, hirap ng kalooban, mas nakakahigit pa rin yung saya sa kalooban yung na sa kabila ng mga pagkakamaling nagawa ko noong nakaraan ay nabigyan pa rin ako ng pagkakataon na makabahagi sa gawain Niya at makatulong sa maliit na paraan sa ating mga mangangaral, kina Bro. Eli at Bro. Daniel. Sa lahat ng mga bagay na ito, wala na talaga akong ibang masasabi pa kundi salamat sa Dios. To God be the Glory!

An Interrupted Ambition

Kapag tinatanong ako noong maliit pa ako kung ano ang gusto ko maging paglaki ko, ang isinasagot ko palagi ay "gusto ko maging teacher." Kung may mga batang natatakot sa mga teachers nila, ako yata yung kabaligtaran. Kahit anong sungit ng ibang mga naging teachers ko, hinahangaan ko pa rin sila. Gustong gusto ko makipaglaro ng titser-titseran. Mahilig din ako magbasa at umalam ng mga bagay-bagay (gaya ng pagsilip ko sa likod ng TV namin para malaman kung saan nanggagaling yung mga taong nakikita ko sa TV screen). Palagi ko rin sinusulatan yung pader namin sa bahay at ginagawa kong chalk board. (Kaya binilhan ako ng magulang ko ng chalk board na may naka pintang alphabets, numbers at orasan na may kamay na naiikot). At kapag sardinas ang ulam namin, tuwang tuwa ako kasi kinukuha ko yung takip ng lata ng sardinas, pinipipi para gawing medal. Mas umigting pa ang pangarap kong maging teacher noong elementary ako. Palagi kong sagot sa tanong sa slum book na "What is your ambition?" ay "To be a teacher". Hinangaan ko rin ang mga naging guro ko noon. Naranasan ko rinng maging student-teacher kapag absent ang teacher namin.

Pero nung nag-aral na ako ng high school, nag-iba ang pananaw ko. Mas naging exposed ako sa iba't ibang propesyon. Mas marami akong nalamang mga kurso na pupwede kunin. Nadiskubre ko rin ang iba't ibang talento at katangian na meron ako. Sa lahat ng subjects ko, Math ang pinka gusto ko at dun ako nageexcel. Nadiskubre ko na may kaunting talento din ako sa pagguhit. Nagbubutingting ako ng kung anu-anong mga gamit. Nahiligan ko ang tumugtog ng mga musical instruments. Naging interes ko ang pag-arte sa entablado. Naibigan ko ang Physics. Nagustuhan ko ang pagsali sa iba't ibang organisasyon. Masyado ako nalibang sa iba't ibang pinagkaabalahan ko. Unti-unti kong nakakalimutan ang hilig ko sa pagtuturo at ng pangarap kong maging guro. Lalo na noong nagsagawa sa school namin ng Career Awareness Seminar. Sabi sa seminar, kung ano ang interes at hilig mo, kaugnay nun dapat ang kukunin mong kurso para maenjoy mo ang college at di mo pagsisihan sa huli. Kaya bago ako magtake ng mga college entrance exams, inassess ko ang sarili ko ano ba ang hilig ko. Mabuti na yung sigurado kesa sa mapilitan at bandang huli, pagsisihan ko. Kailangan maging maingat sa pagpili ng kurso lalo na't gagastusan ako ng magulang ko.

UP, UST, Mapua. Tatlo lang na eskwelahan na kinuhanan ko ng entrance exam. Lahat ng first choice ko ay ECE. Base sa ipinayo sa akin noong Career Awareness Seminar namin, ito daw ang nababagay na kurso sa akin dahil sa mga interes ko (at para hindi na ako sumilip sa likod ng TV para malaman kung papaano nagkakaroon ng tao sa tv screen). Second choice ko sa UP ang Organizational Communication, third choice ang Theater Arts. Sa UST at Mapua naman, second choice ko ang architecture, third choice ang Civil Engineering. Lahat ng pinili ko, base sa mga interes ko. Pero nakalimutan kong piliin ang unang naging ambisyon ko -- ang pagtuturo.

Sa Mapua ko iginugol ang unang kabanata ng buhay kolehiyo ko. Dun daw kasi maganda mag-aral ng engineering. Pride na rin para masabing nag-aaral ako sa pamantasang kilala sa kursong kinuha ko. Gusto rin ng mga magulang ko dahil kaya pa naman nila ako pag-aralin nun. Masaya ako dahil matutupad ang pangarap ko na maging Electronics and Communications Engineer at makapagtrabaho sa isang TV Station. Kahit makita lang yung pangalan ko sa tuwing magsisign on at sign off ang TV, ok lang sa akin yun. Ang mahalaga, nasa TV station ako. Pero dahil sa iba't ibang mga di inaasahan pangyayari, kinakailangan ko mamili. Kailangan ko magtrabaho muna at iwan pansamantala ang pagaaral, o kaya ay pagsabayin ang pagtatrabaho at pag-aaral pero sa ibang eskwelahan.

Dahil sa gusto ko pa rin makapagtapos ng ECE, sinubukan kong pumunta sa UST para magtransfer. Meron daw kasi sila inooffer na student assistance program. Abril na noon. Tapos na ang mga entrance exams. Nagbakasakali na lang ako na baka pupwede pa ako tangapin bilang transferee. Pero sa pagsakay ko ng jeep sa kahabaan ng Espanya, di ko napansin na lumampas na pala ako sa UST. Sumakay ulit ako ng jeep para bumalik, pero lumampas na naman ako at di ko napansin ang UST. Sa di maipaliwanag na dahilan (o baka dahil sa tatanga-tanga lang talaga ako magcommute noon), palagi ako lumalampas at di ko nakikita ang malaking gusali ng UST . Halos nawawalan na ako ng pagasa na makapagaral pa. Sa lungkot ko, pumara nalang ako at bumaba ng jeep. Pagbaba ko, nasa Taft Avenue na pala ako, sa tapat ng PNU, ang pamantasang kilala sa Teacher Education. Nagbakasakali na pupuwede pa makapag-aral kahit ibang kurso na lang, kahit yung nauna kong pangarap na lang. Sakto, ilang araw na lang, schedule na ng entrance exam para sa last batch ng applicants. Kahit papaano, nakaabot pa rin. Awa ng Dios, nakapasa naman.

Hindi ko alam noon kung ano ang plano Niya para sa akin. Gusto kong magtapos ng engineering pero ang pagkakataon ang nagdala sa akin para education ang ituloy kong kurso. Bagama't hindi ko na magagawang matapos pa ang una kong kurso, alam kong Siya ang gumawa ng paraan para maipagpatuloy ako ang nainterrupt kong pangarap. Di ko man lubos na naiintindihan noon, alam kong ipapa unawa din Niya kung ano ang dahilan. At ganun nga ang nangyari sa mga sumunod na panahon. Mayroon talagang dahilan ang bawat pangyayari at bawat bagay.

(to be continued)

An Open Letter for my Nena

Dear Nena,

I just want you to know that we, your friends in faith, are always here for you as long as you need us & God allows us. We are always here to lift you up, to guide you, and to take care of you with God's help. Please bear with me if I sometimes act like a strict mom to you. I (We) just do not tolerate you and your hard head because I (we) love you in its real sense. And please always remember, you are most beautiful than any other girls because you are kind & you have a pure heart. I miss you. I miss my nena. :'(

Ang Nago sa Ilong, Kaning Mainit at Stroller na naging diaper

Pasado alas-9 na ng gabi nung nakasakay ako ng shuttle sa Ayala pauwi sa amin. Medyo masakit na ang paa ko dahil sa maghapong paggawa (at dahil bago ang sapatos ko courtesy ng tatay ko. Tenks dad :D). Badtrip nga lang at hindi van ang natyempuhan kong shuttle kundi isang L300 na FB. Pero keri na rin, ang mahalaga, makauwi agad dahil gusto ko nang magrelax sa sala naming dim ang ilaw, umupo sa sofa, ipatong ang paa at magpatugtog ng CD ng Romance Revisited ni Christian Bautista.

Pagsakay ko sa FB, may nakaupo na sa paborito kong pwesto ng sasakyan, sa pinakadulong upuan sa bandang likod ng driver. Gusto ko umupo dun dahil hindi masyadong tutok sa aircon at maliit na electric fan lang ang katapat. Madali kasi akong ginawin. Kaya nga kahit gusto kong makakita ng snow, di ko pa rin pinangarap na tumira sa bansang sobrang lamig na kulang na lang ay manigas pati mga lamang loob mo sa lamig. Since may nakaupo na sa paborito kong pwesto, dun na lang ako naupo sa bandang gitnang bahagi ng mahabang upuan. Kitang kita ko tuloy ang lahat ng nakaupo sa katapat na upuan.

Habang nasa byahe, di ko na natiis na hindi inumin ang Quickly na binili ko para sana pasalubong sa kapatid ko. Pero sabi ko, baka tulog na yun. Kesa masayang, ako na lang iinom. Habang sinisipsip ko ang taro at nago gamit ang malaking straw na kasing laki ata ng tubo ng oxygen sa ospital, naagaw ang atensyon ko sa dalawang magsyota na nakaupo sa pinaka dulong upuan, bandang likuran ng katabing upuan ng driver. (Kuha niyo? O gusto n'yo idrowing ko pa). Ow Em Ji. Di ko kinaya ang eksena nila, kahit ang Nago na nginunguya ko ay nag-aaklas na muntik pang umeksit sa ilong ko. Paano ba naman, daig pa ang pusang di maihi na naglilingkisan. Si girl, nakasandal ang ulo sa balikat ni boy, kulang na lang magkapalitan sila ng mukha. Tapos sobra pa kung makakapit sa braso ng jowawi nya, kulang na lang eh matanggal ang braso ng lalaki. Si lalaki naman, hawi ng hawi sa buhok at nilalagay sa likod ng tenga ni babae, na di ko alam kung nababakla na ba ito o nainsecure sa shiny, bouncing hair ng GF nya. Kahit madilim sa loob ng FB, kitang kita pa rin ang kanilang paglilingkisan dahil sa mga ilaw sa poste at mga nakakabulag na headlight ng sasakyan sa kahabaan ng EDSA. Kahit na pinagtitinginan na sila ng mga pasahero sa FB, wapakels pa rin ang dalawang love birds na animo'y sila lang ang tao sa mundo. Siguro feeling nila, inggit lang ang mga tao sa kanila. Yung katabi ko nga na binatilyo, nakikipagsenyasan sa katropa niyang nakaupo sa harap niya at sinesenyas yung magsyota, tapos tatawanan nila. Yung ibang babae na pasahero naman, halatang asiwa sa dalawa. Yung mag-asawa naman na pasahero din, dedma lang. Siguro narerealize nila kung gaano sila ka-corny nung magjowa pa lang sila.

Pero sa totoo lang, bakit kailangan pa ipakita sa publiko ng ibang magsyota kung gaano sila ka-sweet. Bakit kailangan pa nilang mag PDA o Public Display of Affection samantalang pupuwede naman na magsuwit-sweet-an sila kung sila na lang. Tutal wala naman pakialam ang ibang tao sa kanila. Hindi naman dahil sa ako ay Bitter Ocampo kung kaya ko nasasabi ito, kundi sadyang nakakasiwa lang. Gusto ko nga makipagpustahan ng walang taya sa mga kasabayan kong pasahero eh. Pusta ko, pagka kinasal na kaya yung dalawa at may mga anak na sila, magagawa pa ba nilang maglampungan pa sa publiko?

May ilan akong nakakausap patungkol sa pananaw nila sa pag-aasawa. Sabi nila, dapat mag-asawa daw ng mga nasa early 20s para kung magkakaanak, hindi malayo ang edad mo sa anak mo. Kaya ba ang nanay ko e bente anyos lang ang tanda sa akin? Sabi naman ng iba, dapat bago ka magtrenta ay magasawa ka na. Kaya ba yung iba eh takot na takot na parang may sasabog na time bomb kapag trenta na sila ay di pa sila nagaasawa? Kaya naman kahit sino na lang ang dumating, keri na yan! At baka mahuli pa daw sa biyahe. Kako, saan naman papunta ang biyahe na iyan. Kung ang destinasyon ng biyahe mo e papunta sa dagat-dagatang apoy, ay di bale na lang. Maghihintay na lang ako ng last trip kung meron pa.

Gaya nga ng kasabihan ng mga matatanda, ang pag-aasawa ay di gaya ng kaning maiinit na pagka isinubo at napaso, pupuwede mo iluwa. Gasgas na kasabihan pero totoo. Walang solian ng asawa. Kahit na madiskubre mong may kurikong pala sa hita si lalaki o kaya ay naghihilik sa gabi si babae. Wala ring solian ng asawa lalu na kung nakatagpo ka ng biyenan na bumubuga ng apoy. Wala ring solian kung madiskubre mong di kayo talo ng misis mo dahil siya pala ay isang produkto ng makabagong siyensa mula sa Thailand.

Sa pag-aasawa kasi, napakarami mong dapat na isaalang-alang. Una, physically, emotionally, psychologically at mentally fit na ba kayo upang lumagay sa magulo, este sa tahimik? Baka naman konting tampuhan lang ninyong mag-asawa eh tatakbo ka sa magulang mo at magsusumbong ka na “Nay, inaway po ako ng asawa ko. Di na natin siya bati!”. Ikalawa, dapat mayroon kayong sariling tahanan. Di pwedeng sama sama sa iisang bubong. Dapat bubukod sa magulang, bagama’t napaka-common na yung nakiki-tira pa rin ang bagong mag-asawa sa magulang pero hindi dapat ganun. Mahirap makipag-agawan ng remote ng TV sa biyenan lalo na kung siya ang may-ari ng bahay. Isa pa, dapat ay may trabaho na sasapat sa pangangailangan ninyong mag-asawa at sa mga iba’t-ibang bayarin. Hindi sapat yung nagmamahalan kayo para kayo ay magsama. Di naman makakabusog ang pagmamahalan. Parang yung baraks ng mga kasamahan ko na mga lalaki sa Cubao. Palibhasa walang makain, nagmamahalan na lang daw sila. Tapos idagdag mo pa, paano kung magkakaanak na kayo? Ano ang ipapakain ninyo sa anak ninyo kung sa inyo nga lang na mag-asawa ay di na sapat ang kinikita ninyo? Di naman pupuwedeng AmBoy ang magiging anak ninyo na walang ibang laman ang tiyan kundi Am.

Kamakailan lang ay nanganak yung dalawang pinsan kong babae (alangan namang yung lalaki, wala naman kaming lahing seahorse). Parehong July pa ipinanganak yung dalawang babies, pareho pang babae. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, mukhang dumadami na kaming magkakauri na July ipinanganak. Anim na kami sa angkan namin na July ipinanganak. At nagkataon lang siguro na pare-pareho din kami ng ugali. Bratinella.

Pangalawang anak na nung mas matanda kong pinsan. At gaya ng ginawa niya sa una niyang anak, nangsosolisit siya ng mga regalo sa mga pinsan, tiyo at tiya. Kala mo ay captain ball ng basketball na nangsosolisit para sa palaro sa baranggay. Sinabihan niya ako na sagot ko na daw ang crib o kaya stroller. Yun ang pinaka mahal sa lahat ng mga nasa listahan niya. Tutal, kaya ko naman daw yun dahil may trabaho naman ako at wala naman daw ako anak. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kaya nga ako di nag-aanak dahil ayaw ko bumili ng mga ganun no! Pagapangin nya kako sa sahig yung anak nya. Pero dahil sa naalala ko yung paksa tungkol sa mga bata, sabi ko na lang, sige sagot ko na lang diaper.

Ako ang panganay sa aming magkapatid. Pero sa edad kong ito, wala pa talaga ako balak na mag-asawa o magka-jowa man lang. Dahil na rin sa madaming trabaho ang titser kaya wala na talagang oras sa mga ganyan lalo na kung devoted ka sa propesyong ito. Sabi nila, ganun daw talaga ang mga titser. Pagpumasok ka sa propesyong ito, sa malamang ay tatanda kang dalaga, o kaya naman ay kung makakapag-asawa ka eh yung kapwa mo titser, sa kabila ng katotohanang ang ratio ng titser na lalaki sa titser na babae ay 1:20. Ibig sabihin, dalawampu kayong makikipag-agawan sa iisang lalaki, di mo pa alam kung yun ay isang Beki. Kaya sa malamang, yung pagiging matandang dalaga ang magiging tadhana mo. Pero di ako ganap na naniniwala dun. Dahil may mga kakilala akong mga titser na nakapangasawa ng mga foreigner. Yun ay noong nagtrabaho sila bilang DH sa ibang bansa.

Masaya ako sa buhay kong ganito. Mas marami akong nagagawa. Bagama’t nakikita ko sa magulang ko na masaya sila kapag may bata sa bahay, nauunawaan nila ang kalagayan ko. Pero minsan, napag-iisip rin ako, hindi dahil sa may balak ako. Iniisip ko lang ano kaya ang mangyayari kung halimbawang nasa kalagayan ako na may anak na inaalagaan? Makakakain pa kaya ako sa mga restaurant na gusto ko? Mabibili ko pa rin ba kaya lahat ng mga damit at gadget na gusto ko? Makakapunta pa kaya ako sa iba’t-ibang bansa? Magagawa ko pa kaya na gampanan yung lahat ng mga ginagawa ko ngayon? Sa malamang hindi. Pero yung paksa tungkol sa pagmamahal sa mga bata, tumanim sa isip ko yun. At alam ko na hindi naman ang pinatutungkulan lamang nun ay yung anak na galing sa sinapupunan ng isang ina. Naalala ko yung kaibigan ko na gusto daw niya magkaanak para makasunod sa utos na ibigin ang mga bata. Sa loob loob ko, napakaraming bata sa eskwelahan ang uhaw sa edukasyon dahil mismong amg mga magulang nila, di sila kaya turuan. Napakaraming bata ngayon sa bahay ampunan na naghahanap ng pagmamahal. Hindi kinakailangang galing sa sarili mong laman at dugo ang sanggol para makasunod na ibigin ang mga bata. Pupwede kang maging alagad ng edukasyon para magkaroon ng pagkakataong magmahal ng isa hanggang sikwentang bata sa isang classroom ng sabay-sabay. O kaya naman pupwede ka rin naman magbawas ng isa sa populasyon ng mga batang inabandona ng mga walang puso nilang magulang sa bahay-ampunan. Nagagawa ko na yung nauna awa't tulong, gusto ko namang subukan yung pangalawa. Pero yun ay ayon pa rin sa kalooban Niya. Malay ninyo, di ba?

Studies vs Duties

There was a time in my life that I encountered this dilemma. And I knew that whatever my decision would be, iy will determine my future.

It was in the year 2005 when I had to choose between my studies and my vow. I was taking up Education -- the 3rd course that I took up when I was in college. It was also my 7th year in college. Since I had shifted course 3 times already and I was overstaying in our school, I had to graduate by year 2006.

I asked for some advices. Some says that I have to choose my duties. Some says I had to choose my studies. I was confused, but I chose to finish my studies. Not because it's more important than my vow, but because I love my vow more than anything else in this world. Again, I chose to finish my studies and left my vow for a while because I love my duties more.

It was hard for my part seeing my batchmates become regular in their duties. I was a candidate for regular by that time and I admit, there were regrets. But I asked God in my prayers to help me finish my course. I told Him the reason why I had to leave my vow. I promised Him that after I finish college, I will return to the ministry and use the knowledge that I learned in college to help my leaders and the ministry.

God granted my prayers. He let me finish my studies. So in return, I have to fulfill my promise to Him. After I passed the board, I returned to the ministry. And it didn't take long, I was given "special" assignments that I never realized that will come to my life.

Of course, not all can have this kind of fate. Not all of us have the same destiny. I strongly believe that vows and duties are more important than anything else. But God has plans for each of us. We may have different roads to walk through, but for me, I think, this is the road that He wants me to take.

I admit, I had lots of shortcomings and wrongdoings, but I obtained mercy from God. Special tasks keep on coming from the time I fulfilled my promise to Him, up to the present.

With all these blessings, I thank God because I really witness how He helps me to keep my promise. All the tasks He is giving me requires my present profession -- the course that I chose to finish. All my dreams which I was very eager to pursue but seemed to be impossible are now coming into reality through our leaders. I just pray to God for His guidance because I admit, I can't do these things alone. But again, no words can express the gratitude that I am feeling right now. All I can say is THANKS BE TO GOD FOR HIS UNSPEAKABLE GIFT.

(Me and my Younger Sister during OUR graduation. FYI, I am 3 years older than her :D )

Dinner Dilemma

Last Monday, my dear Nena Ellay, some friends, and I were supposed to go on a dinner at Pan Pacific Hotel. She made a reservation and invited us to celebrate one of our friend's birthday. But unfortunately, the birthday celebrant turned down the invitation, for a very simple reason that he will just go if I will not go. (Hmp! @#$!!) But actually, his reason was he has a lot of things to do. Then, our other friends were also too busy with everything. So it was just Ellay and I who were supposed to go.

Ok, everything was set for our dinner. I just have to attend my student for a tutor for 4 hours from 1pm so that I will be able to make it at 5:30pm at the hotel. But unexpectedly, I got a message that my schedule of tutor will be moved to 7pm since my student hasn't arrived yet, which is conflicting to our supposed dinner. I wanted to go to our dinner but I cannot cancel the tutor because my student has to go to school the following day. I didn't have any choice but to tell Ellay that I can't come. I just asked her if she could just invite her uncle so that the reservation she made will not be useless. In that manner, she can also make up with her short comings to her uncle and her family.

I felt in her voice that she was disappointed with my news. She told me that she'll try to invite her family.

After a while, I got a message from my student's mom, saying that if I could just come by 9pm. Good! I still have time for our dinner. I called up Ellay again to say that I can go with her that night but this time, she was the one who turned me down. Instead, her nanay Adela (grandmother), tatay (grandfather) and uncle will avail the dinner reservation.

I didn't feel sorry when our supposed to be dinner was cancelled. I know that there is a reason why did our plans didn't push through. For my side, I was able to teach my student. Imparting knowledge to a student is far more important than eating in a five star restaurant. I was also able to get to know more about the mom of my student, whom I really look up in all aspects.

For Ellay's side, though she made the reservation, I know that was not meant to spend it with her friends. Because, you see, most of the time we are together - we spend time together, we work together, we eat together, etc. where in sometimes, we already unconsciously get some of her time which were already intended for her loved ones.

I know Ellay would like to spend that evening with her friends. But the reservation was not really meant for us. It was meant for her family, for her to spend her most precious time with them, especially with her Nanay.

Learn a Little Mathematics

I am a teacher. Aside from News Writing, I also teach Mathematics since this was my concentration. I love counting. I love problem solving and I feel successful if I was able to solve different Math problems. Though Math is one of the most hated subject by most of the students, I am proud to say that I was not one of them and I really love Math.

But Math is not just simply like solving word problem, finding the value of x, etc. When we talk about faith, we also use mathematics. Huh? Is our soul's salvation uses Math? Yes. We have to learn a little Mathematics so that we will not be deceived. And that is what I learned when I read this post: Learn a Little Mathematics

Lonely but not Alone

It has been a week since I last talked to Jie. We were supposed to see each other last Sunday but she didn't show up. I only had an idea on how was she doing through quotes and videos she posted in her Facebook that described how happy she was during that entire week. I texted her and posted messages to her wall but I received no reply. It was unusual. I know my friend. There might be a problem. And what she posted in her FB might be the exact opposite of what she really feels.

It was already 3am and I was still in front of my laptop. I cant sleep and my mind was still too active. Maybe because I had a heavy dinner -- Two cups of rice and Sinigang na Baboy with plenty of taba that melts in your mouth as my viand. I didn't want to sleeping right away since I ate too much and afraid of getting bangungot. So while waiting for the food to digest in my stomach, I just watched archive videos of a documentary program in the internet and updated my status message in Facebook.

As i checked on my facebook, I saw that the last message posted by Jie was just a few seconds ago. So I assumed that she was also online in YM during this wee hours of the morning. I buzzed her even she seemed to be offline. Though in invisible mode, she replied to me and we started chatting.

She confessed that she was in deep depression the past few days. She said she didn't want to continue anymore. Losing hope, colding faith, and even suicidal attempts kept on bothering her thoughts. "What happened? I just saw your posts and you were very happy", I told her. She said that she was just trying to make her self happy. Like a clown, she wanted to cover her wounded heart with a fake smile. Happy and fighting as people can see her, but in reality, she wanted to give up the hope she has attained. She felt that nobody loves her. She felt like her life is meaningless. She is already in her late 20s and she feels like her time bomb will explode when she reaches 30 without serious boyfriend. She also feels that she is not improving, but instead, she feels she is getting worst.

As our conversation gets deeper, my suspicion was that her ex-boyfriend caused her depression. Her ex-boyfriend was a colleage in the school organization which we all belong. Before, Jie and I were just acquaintance. I just knew Jie simply as his girlfriend. But when they broke up couple of years ago, Jie was really down and needed someone to talk to. Then, we just found ourselves exchanging stories and sentiments. Maybe a sort of anaesthesia or tranquilizer, inspite of bleeding heart and weeping eyes, we love hanging out together, cracking the corniest jokes and laughing as if there will be no tomorrow. Ironic but their broke up was the start of our beautiful friendship.

Jie was the one who introduced me to blogging. She is fond of posting anything on her blogsite. Through her online diary, I was able to understand the melancholy she was and is still going through, especially the agony she has been experiencing with her ex even after they broke up.

Some of our friends thought that she was just being melodramatic about all these things. But I could feel that her problems are very serious that she thought it would be better to end her life than continue trying to resolve them.

When she enumerated the reasons why she felt like giving up, I didn't ask any more questions. I didn't want her to recall whatever happened to her and her ex. I believe that when she gotten over him, she would be able to tell me everything that caused her so much pain. I just let her realize that she was wrong when she thought that nobody loves her, she's worthless, and she's bad turned worse becoming worst. I told her that there are more people who have worst problem compared to her. It is not worthy to lose her life because of her problems. And the solution to our problem is not very distant -- it is just as near as our knees to the floor when we kneel down and pray.

Few months ago, I talked to Jie because I was feeling depressed over the fact that I always fall short in my work, no matter how hard I try to improve. Then also, not to mention my sentiments about feeling alone and unnoticed by someone. I asked her "what's wrong with me? Why do I always fall short no matter how hard I try to make everything ok? And tell me, am I that unpretty?". Then she told me, "relaks lang, pray lang tayo. Isipin mo na lang andiyan lang si ano para sa iyo.Tsaka ano ka ba, nasa sa iyo na ang lahat ng katangian, wala ka nang hihilingin pa maliban sa liposuction. De, joke lang. Pinapatawa lang kita.."

Now, I want to give it back to her. Relaks ka lang. Pray lang tayo. Kapit lang, wag kang bibitaw. Bring back that smile on your face. Why do we have to think of the things that sadden us if there are more things that cheer us up? You may lose a stone, but there are golds and diamonds around you. You will not get harmed anymore if you will not let others to hurt you again. You have friends who will always be here to protect you with God's help and mercy. Most of all, there is God who lets us stand when we feel like giving up. We may sometimes be lonely, but we will never be alone.

*jie is not her nick name, neither part of her real name.