I do

Dear you-know-who-you-are,

First of all, I would like to thank you for all the kindness you have shown me. It is not everyday that someone (of course, aside from my parents) makes me feel that I am special.  Who would have thought that there’s a person who would notice that a chubby, fair-skinned, blemished and not-so-pretty woman has been existing for decades already?

Let me recall how “we” started. I was a typical girl who is very dedicated to work and almost forgot to think about her self.  The thought of having been taken care by someone was the least thing in my bucketlist. Being through heartaches, though I haven’t been into any serious relationships, and seeing people close to me who are not that lucky in love were some of the reasons why I do not want to get involved in any relationship. Well I admit, the thought of being with my special someone lingers to my mind. But I already prepared myself to be single forever if ever that won’t happen.

One night, a message popped on my phone's screen. It was you who sent me a message. It was not the first time that I received a message from you, since we are colleagues in the same field of work. But it was the first time that I received that kind of message. It was not the usual message that you send. It was something not related to work. It was something special.

Though I felt strange, I didn’t give any interpretation on that. I just ignored it, thinking that you were just cracking a joke. I reply whenever you send me messages. But our exchange of non work-related messages became often. The simple hi and hellos became good morning, what are you doing, where are you now, good night, sweet dreams.

During those times, I just see you as a friend. But in an unexpected moment, which I cannot recall when it started, that platonic feeling was transformed into more serious one. Your smiley emoticons suddenly made me blush. I entertained the thought of seeing you in a new light, started to notice how unique you are from others.

Yes, you are unique from others. You inspired me to do things which are very impossible for me to do. For the longest time of trying to be fit and healthy, it was only you who inspires me to get slim. I was a night owl type of person but you made me wake up early in the morning to jog on a regular basis. I opt not to eat the foods that I want. I wanted to lose weight not just because I want to, but because you said so. And it was a success. Thanks for the help.

Every time I receive messages from you, there is a feeling that I can’t explain, a feeling that I haven’t felt before. A feeling of excitement and at the same time a feeling of having a fever. I do not have insomnia but I had sleepless nights. I was supposed to ask for medical advice, but a friend told me that I am not sick. I may be just in love.

During those times, there was one song that best describes us. “Anyone who sees us knows what’s going on between us. It doesn’t take a genius to read between the lines.” I know that it was just a wishful thinking and it was only me who is dreaming that there is something between us. But I don’t want to assume that you have feelings for me too. I just want to wait for the perfect time to come.

But just like any other stories, everything has its own ending. Fairy tales do have happy ending, while some true-to-life stories don’t have. And yes, I realized, this ain’t no fairy tale. I am not a Disney Princess character, and you are not a Disney Prince either.

Once and for all, I am writing this letter without the intention of sending it to you. I do not have the courage to ask you about your feelings for me. I am not brave enough to listen on what could be your answer if I ask you the question "Do you like me too?" I do not have the courage to tell you what I feel for you. I do not have the courage to love a person who does not love me like I DO.